HOW TO GET ALONG WITH YOUNG PEOPLE
As toddlers, most children want to be carried adults. They go as far as crying if you attempt to drop them down. When that same who once longed to be cuddled begins to grow and approaches adolescence, there is a sharp change in that desire because of a degree of awareness that has been gained. That child begins to feel by the kind of conversations going on around him that certain treatments you receive are an indication of the fact that you are still considered to be a child by those around especially the ‘grown-ups’. To prove to the adult in his life and of course his peers that he/she is now matured, he tries to act as if he doesn’t any longer needs anyone since he is now a big boy/girl that can take care of himself. The child begins to understand that maturity comes with responsibility and any time he is not allowed to take responsibility; he feels that he is still been considered to be a child by his parents or older individuals. This explains why some adolescent don’t like carrying out tasks in the presence of others because they interpret been monitored or supervised as an indication that he is not old enough to do certain things right if left alone.
One day, I visited a family and a child of ten years was to be sent on an errand by his mother. When he was given the money, the mother began to tell him to watch the road on both sides before he crosses to any of the sides. As the mother was about to repeat the advice again, the child exclaimed gently “mom!!!” cutting his mom short. The look on his face as he exclaimed was saying ‘I know this already, why repeat it in the presence of visitors? As I observed the conversation that took place between this boy and his mom, it was clear to me that the boy has entered the stage described above. I was also reminded about the importance of knowing how to communicate with young people and this will always require wisdom and tact. In Africa, adults generally see young people are naïve and never capable of doing the right things if left alone. Even when nobody is saying anything, their actions scream aloud this position. Knowing this, young people are always conscious about not been considered a child before adults that matter in their lives.
If you desire to build effective relationships with the young people in your life, it is important that you become a person they can trust and feel safe to be around with. Trust is not built from a distance neither is it a command relationship. Young people cannot just trust because you feel that you are a trustworthy person; it will take time but it is worth the patience. For young people, nothing can replace the desire to be listened to. This is where to start from if you desire to influence young people positively. Everyone seems to have something to say but only a few persons care enough to really listen not just hear others. If you are a parent and your child comes back from school or an outing and shows any excitement or eagerness to share his/her experience with you, you should create time to listen. Even if you are busy at the moment, shouting at the child to allow you to concentrate will not do the child well. Instead you should ask the child to give you time to finish what you are doing and that you would listen to whatever he has to say. This is a better approach. When children or young people in general know that they would be heard without condemnation, they are freer to share their fears and struggles. This would in turn give whoever is listening to them the opportunity to step in and guide them properly.
In very explicit terms, the Bible tells us that foolishness is tied to the heart of a young person. What this means is that young people will always make mistakes. You should expect some silly behaviors. Some mistakes are minor while others can be very grave. It is a different thing when a young person fights in school than when she is pregnant. When people make mistakes, they know that they have messed up. They know that they have disappointed those who care and love about them. The situation is the same even when a teenager makes a mistake. Deserting them because of the wrong they have done is like abandoning your baby because he fell into muddy water. This is not to say that when a young person makes a mistake, he shouldn’t be scolded. Of course he should. He/she should be made to understand what he has done, the impact it will have on him and those who love him but he shouldn’t be left alone to fix the mess. Many of them may never recover if left alone to figure out what next to do.
If you are not to tolerate wrong doing, you should also celebrate small wins. Before a child can grow into an adult capable of living out his fullest potentials, he must see those potentials as he grows. This is why it is important to celebrate the right decisions they make and remember them more than you would their mistakes. As they see the smiles they bring by doing what is right, they will become more intentional about recreating those memories. Raising a child in a perfectionistic atmosphere will not make him/her the best; it will only create in that child a competitive spirit. He/she will grow up seeing people as hindrances instead of partners. Every child is specially gifted and capable of doing great things but if he is not allowed to do what he is built for, he may end up frustrated. Let each child be judged by his strengths and not weaknesses. Your role in the life of any young person and indeed any human being is not to turn him or her into who you perceive or desire them to be but to create the right atmosphere for them to be what God design their lives to be from the beginning of time.
Without mincing words, getting along with young people is hard work. Sometimes it may even appear as though they are doing you a favor by letting you into their lives especially if you are not their biological parents. As a coach, teacher or youth pastor, you must not forget what the goal is. One young person taught the right way is capable of changing the world for good. It is an honor to be involved in such a story. And if there is someone you have given up on, pick up your phone and make that call right away.
I am Busaosowo Bisong and I write to give a voice to the concerns of young people.
